Hard

Gosh, where do I start?  This past week has been a roller coaster of emotions for me.  The last time I blogged I talked about my most recent weight loss efforts and the results from my counting calories and exercising like a crazy woman routine.  And then the next day I totally lost all steam and energy. 

Over the past couple of months, it seems like the week before "that time of the month," my body starts acting all crazy.  I'm talking totally drained, I can barely keep my eyes open during the day no matter how much sleep I've gotten the night before, plain out exhaustion.  And then there's the mental fog and the dip in my hormones causing me to feel like I barely have the strength to go through the motions of life without just falling apart.  On the outside I look just fine...on the inside I'm a mess. All I want to do is sleep and I feel like all the energy has been sucked out of me.  I start to feel like all hope is lost.  I get drastic--thinking the world is against me--and I cry a lot.  And all I can do is just wait the whole thing out until it passes.  Which can be days or an entire week. I hate it.

Well, add all of this to the fact that I'm in the beginning of my journey back to school and barely starting to get a school routine down.  I'm still trying to find my way through lots of reading, homework and studying, which is more challenging than I thought it would be.  Especially during the times when my body decides to go haywire. I start push the panic button and  wonder what the heck I'm doing in school because nothing is making sense to me.  I wonder why things are so hard for me to understand and why I just can't get it together.  The devil seems to be working overtime lately to crush me down to nothing and tell me that I'm too old for all of this.

Hope peeked through a little though and yesterday was the first day in the past week that I actually felt closer to "normal" again.  Only it's been hard to feel normal when it hasn't been normal days around here.  I went to school with a heavy heart yesterday, after on Wednesday, getting the news that my sweet friend Wren, the one I first shared last year who received the news that she had cancer while she was expecting a baby girl....is getting ready to be with Jesus soon.  She's been fighting this battle for over a year now and despite treatments, the cancer has spread in ways that cannot be contained (unless the Lord decides to intervene) and they've opted to discontinue treatment. Yesterday, Wren was released from the hospital and was taken home where she'll receive hospice care during the next part of the journey.

My heart's breaking and my thoughts have been with Wren.  She was my MOPS leader and the first person that welcomed me into our group with kindness and love when I was a lonely momma, in need of friends.

I'm realizing how my issues, although they feel important and valid when I'm experiencing them, aren't comparable to the things that Wren is going through.  I think about her and waves of grief take over.  I don't and will never probably see all the why's of life but I do know that for some purpose, this is part of God's plan.  I'm just gonna lean on Him, the only one who can give us peace and comfort.  I know His glory will be seen in this. Somehow. Some way. And that lives have been touched by the beautiful woman I call friend.

Wren, I love you and my heart is with you, sweet friend.

Results...

Last week I mentioned wanting to do a little experiment to see what would happen if I faithfully logged my calories (using the "Lose It" app on my phone), stayed within the allotted amount, and exercised daily.  My goal was to exercise to my workout DVD for a total five miles a day.

Well, life got in the way and with school factored into my life now, I didn't quite meet my exercising goal.  In fact, I ended up taking a couple of rest days from exercise due to the fact that I was just plain tired from all the studying and staying up late and family responsibilities.  I'm still learning how to balance my life out between school and other life duties and it's really tricky. 

For the most part, I did pretty well to stay within my calorie limit per day. Some days I even was under my calories and still felt like I had enough to eat that day.  Every Friday here at our house is Papa Murphy's pizza night, so I even ended up having pizza and still did well that day with what I ate. I just made it a point to eat lighter during the first part of the day. I also had a salad for lunch just about every day last week, so I'm pretty sure that helped too!

Monday's are my weigh in days, so I gave myself from last Monday to yesterday to see what my little experiment would yield.   Turns out the "experiment" was worth doing because I ended up losing FIVE pounds in just the past week!  Crazy, right?  I didn't expect to lose that much in a week but between staying under my calories on some days, eating HEALTHY and exercising consistently, it made a huge difference.  I'm pretty excited that I'm now only six pounds away from my wedding weight!

This week, my plan is to continue doing what I did last week and just stay focused on my goal.  It really feels more like a lifestyle than a diet at this point, so it's just a matter of continuing to make the healthy choices I know I need to make.  

One thing that's changed a lot since losing the 32 pounds I've lost so far is the way I see myself.  When I look at my reflection, I almost can't believe that's me.  It feels amazing and it encourages me to keep on going! I honestly still struggle with wanting to give in to a treat every now and again but I have to remind myself that I love the feeling of being healthy MORE than the feeling I used to think was happiness when I was eating all the junk.  Losing bad habits is definitely not an overnight thing but every day it's a choice to choose good or choose bad.

So, that's that.  Minus 32 pounds so far and only 16 more pounds to go until my goal weight of 150.  I'm interested to see how I'll feel when I meet that goal.  Will I want to keep on going?  Hmmm, we'll have to see when I get there. :)

I stood on a bench in my bathroom to get this pic.  :)

P.S.  This is totally unrelated to weight loss, but I just wanted to ask for prayers for me and school.  Part of me is enjoying the getting out and learning new things while the other part of me misses my old life so much.  If I only would have enjoyed my life as a SAHM more when I was just doing that.  Today I had a tough day at school and I just started wondering if I can handle all of this.  I know I want to do this, it's just some days are so overwhelming when certain things I'm learning just don't make sense.  Please tell me there's light at the end of the tunnel. :)

Back to college I go

Well, I finally did it.  I made my way through my first week and a half back to college! It's been an emotional roller coaster with some highs and lows but I'm surviving and more than that, things are starting to make sense. Thank you, Lord!

This is a picture I took last week on my way to the library. I usually eat lunch under one of those big trees!

I'm starting off with two classses...the first is History, the second Accounting.  History is looking to be like something I'll be able to handle without much effort, Accounting on the other hand...the exact opposite.  I'm so glad I had the sense to open up and start reading the first chapter before the class started because our first quiz was due the day after our first class and our homework...which literally took me five hours to complete, was due two days after that!  I'm learning a whole new level of time management and I'm also gaining a new respect for working/student mommas!  I'm also realizing just how I easy I had it to simply be a SAHM.  Yes, life was busy and exhausting with little ones when they were all smaller, but seriously...the SAHM gig has a lot of perks!

The Accounting class is intense and I already know I'll have to spend a lot of time getting into the thick of things to learn and remember all there is to know about income statements, balance sheets, owner's equity and all that good stuff.  I'm taking one day at a time and right now I'm just thankful that I don't have to know it all in the first week.

I'm learning to give myself some grace, be super duper organized and use my time wisely.  Being in school is gonna take my life and the level of busyness to a whole never level but I think I'm up for the challenge. I've had to do some thinking and praying and have also had to let go of some commitments so that I can allow time for my studies.  One of those things is the decision not to return to MOPS this semester. I've been so blessed over the past two years with the friendships I've made and I'm so glad I decided to take that step towards relationship.  I'm gonna miss everyone!

Please continue to pray for me as I start this new venture.  I know that my worth isn't measured in what kind of education I have but I really feel that making the effort towards getting a degree is going to open so many new doors for me in the future.  Every day I pray that the Lord would open up my mind so that I can retain all there is to know from my classes.  He's been so faithful sending just the right friends...and ones that don't even live close to me...to help me be encouraged and know that I can do it.


My life verse for the past two weeks I shared with Audrey when she started school and one that I have been reminding myself over and over is Philippians 4:13:

I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.

It's a great reminder that I don't have to be strong enough on my own.  I get my strength from the Lord and even in the moments when I feel like I might just crumble for fear of being not enough, He is right with me. HE is my strength and I can do anything I put my mind to because I have Him right there with me and together we can do it!

New Adventures!

We've been on the go a lot this week and I feel like I've been living in my van, lol!

That's not necessarily a bad thing considering that for so many years, we had to squish all of us in a tiny little Civic! Just last night before bed I was telling Fernando just how happy I've been with our new car. I still can't get over how much more room we have and constantly find myself thanking the Lord for providing the way for us to get the van. It's crazy to think about how we lasted so many years in our tiny car.  I guess when it comes down to it, you just do what you have to do!

Alyssa and Audrey have been attending Vacation Bible School this week and we've been on the go a lot! This VBS is one a MOPS friend of mine told me about that we'd never been to before.  It's held at a Lutheran church in Orcutt, about 20 minutes from here and unlike most VBS's around here,  the starting age is four instead of the usual "entering Kinder" age.

I wasn't sure at first how Audrey would do, with this being her first VBS, but she's been great! I haven't talked on the blog much about Audrey, but over the past year she's become painfully shy and struggles with anxiety more than your average child. In any new situation, I always have to talk things up so she knows what to expect and then I hope and pray that she'll be okay.  Every situation is different and so are her reactions.

The day before VBS began, I talked about how much fun it would be so that Audrey wouldn't be anxious. When I went to do the drop off I was so happy when she let me leave with no fuss.  She acted super shy and quiet but she let me leave without crying and that was huge! The ladies there have been kind and have allowed her to stay with big sis so that has helped tremendously. Every day it's been fun getting to see the fun projects the girls make and hear what they've been learning.

It's been really nice and very different with just one kiddo all week while the big girls are at VBS.  We've been staying busy and running everywhere, getting all our have-to's done and having some very rare one-one one time.  It's also been a great way to prepare Liv for the Fall when both Alyssa and Audrey go to school.

Yes, we were at Walmart in this pic!

And speaking of school, guess who else is going to be a student?  ME!  It's something that Fernando and I have been talking about for a long time and a decision that we feel is really the next step for me and the family.  Now that the baby isn't really a baby anymore, it's finally time for me to focus on getting an education, which will hopefully lead to a career. I'm still undecided about what I want "to be" career wise, so for the meantime I've decided to go with a major in Business. My second choice is Accounting so we'll see what I end up deciding once I get to taking a few classes.

I spent a good part of my day yesterday at my local community college, talking with every everyone from admissions to the counselor's office.  I got everything situated and tomorrow I officially enroll in my classes! I'm nervous and excited all at once and I'm just praying everything will go well. It's been seven years since I started my job as Stay at Home Mom and 14 years since I was a student!  Please say a little prayer for me that I will do well and that everything will fall into place. This is definitely going to be a new adventure for me!

A FIND!

Okay, so I have a confession to make.  I.am.spoiled.  You can blame it on my Hubby starting back in 1997 when we were boyfriend and girlfriend and he used to give me almost anything I wanted. :)  A lot has changed since we had kids, but for the most part, my Hubby still lets me be a baby.  His baby, anyway!

In less than a month, it will be my birthday and I'm already starting to get excited!  Every year, I'm seriously like a little girl anxiously awaiting my birthday, only around here, we don't celebrate just the one day of my actual birthday.  We celebrate if for pretty much an entire week!  It all started several years ago when I would get so excited about my birthday, only to get the birthday blues after my birthday came and went.  My family teases me about me and my birthday week obsession but I know I can't be the only one out there who loves birthdays.  Please tell me I'm not the only one!!!

Anyhow...I've been working on my birthday/Christmas wishlist over the last few weeks and I've been shocked to find that for the first time in all of my adult life, I'm actually asking for things I can use in the kitchen!  It's so funny to me how not long ago, I would have died if someone wanted to buy me something to cook or bake with!  This year, I'm asking for things like stainless steel bowls, cookie sheets and accessories to go onto my KitchenAide mixer.  Boy how times have changed!

On Saturday, while at Costco, I made the find of all finds and I just had to share it on here!  The second I saw it, I told my Hubby I had to have it!  I even told him he could save it and give it to me for my birthday but he said no and to just get it.  I thought I'd share what it was so that in case any of you might be interested in picking one up too, you can get down to your Costco and scoop one up!

I've never actually seen anything like this before but here's what it's called...

It's really the perfect item for girls like me who love to bake cupcakes or anything sweet for that matter and need to transport them from one place to the other.  I've been hoping to find something like for a while now and I was just SO excited when I spotted it!

Basically, it's three rows of stackable cupcake receptacles.  If you want to use it to take maybe a pie or some cookies, it also comes with trays that go over the cupcake holes so that you can use it for other things.  Isn't it awesome?!?

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Today ended up being a blast at my MOPS meeting!   We made apple pies to take home in time for Thansgiving and that was so much fun!  I was also on breakfast assignment and I decided to bring some homemade peach french toast and this yummy pumpkin bread as well....

Both items were from a recipe book that my blog friend Sue sent me ages ago when I first started the blog!  I've loved making several of the things in that recipe book and I think this is by far my favorite recipe for pumpkin bread.  I'll definitely have to share the recipe on here soon!

Well, let's see what else I can get to posting this week!  I have a house that needs cleaning before we have Thanksgiving here and a pile of laundry that's calling my name! :) 

All over the board

I've been in sort of a funk over the last couple days and I'm just not sure why.  I've been tired and unmotivated and just down for some reason.  I'm hoping that I'll snap out of it soon because I have lots to do and this coming weekend is going to be a busy one for our family. 

Last night I made it out to a girls night out with my MOPS group.  I decided I would make some cupcakes to share with the girls and decided to go with a fun girl color!

I love, love the decorating part of cupcake making and some days I just wish that I could find a hobby that wasn't so fattening!  It's just so hard to make cupcakes without eating them!  I've been gaining the weight back that I worked hard to lose over the summer and I really need to get back on track soon!

Momma's come a long way, baby!

Back when I first had Alyssa, I was a big ball of nervous.  It didn't take much and I was anxious about almost everything.  I wondered to myself what I would do if she cried when I was out shopping at a store, or what I would do if she needed to be fed (I nursed) when I was out at say, a restaurant.

Stuff like this ate at me a lot, and because of the fact that I'd never had any experience with babies and didn't really have many people to ask who had babies who were similar in age, I just ended up staying home a lot.  Pretty sad, huh?  Looking back, I really blame that funky thryoid of mine for making me be so anxious all the time.  Thankfully, I found out about the hypothyroidism I had at around seven months postpartum and I was able to get the medicine I needed to feel better. 

With Audrey, things got even better than the first time around and I became more confident in my skills as a mom.  Every day there is a new lesson learned and I'm thankful that kids are so resilient and that I haven't messed up too bad along the way.  At least I don't think I have, anyway. :)

I'm finding now that I have baby #3 that I finally feel the most confident I ever have since I became a mom five years ago.  I've grown in my mommy skills and it is the most freeing feeling ever!

Nowadays when Livvie starts to fuss and needs to be fed and we're out somewhere, I just cover myself up and feed her.  No more worrying about what other people will think or trying to run out to my car.

(This was us about a month ago at my sister Yvonne's birthday dinner.  My Hubby snapped this shot while I was nursing)!

While looking through recent pictures today, I also found this one from Mother's Day of this year.

We were out at lunch with the family and Livvie had to eat, so I just busted out my super cute nursing cover that my friend Stephanie made for me when I first found out I was pregnant, and it was so convenient!  Believe it or not, I'd never owned a nursing cover until I had Livvie!  You can see a tiny bit of this one in the picture above, it's brown with polka dots.  I'm really looking forward to getting a few more because they are so much more convenient than a blanket for nursing in public!

In the same file where I found the picture above, I also found this one...

It was taken on the same day at Mother's Day lunch and I was amazed to see what a difference in my face from then to now...

I was also suprised today at my first regular visit back to my primary care doctor after baby, that I'm down twenty pounds since around this time last year (Not to mention the other twenty in baby weight that I also already lost)!  I'm so excited at the thought that I'm now only 15 pounds away from where I was at when I got married eight years ago!

Well, I know this sounds like a me, me, me kinda post, but today I thought I'd accentuate the positives and put this one here to remind myself of how far I've come. I woke up today feeling kinda down for no particular reason and after thinking about all the good stuff that has happened, I realized I have lots of reasons to smile!  I really have come a long way!

New camera, new do!

Hello blog.  I've missed you!  It's been days since I've been able to get on here to sit and write and now it feels like I have a ton to get caught up on!

So what all has happened since the last time I blogged?  Well, let's see here...

On Wednesday I finally decided which camera I wanted to buy and ordered it online.  I was so excited when, on Friday I got an email saying that it was going to be delivered that day!  It was perfect timing because it came just in time to take some pictures of the weekend's events which included my sister Yvonne's birthday dinner and Alivia turning two months old! 

 
I ended up going with the Canon Rebel T1i like I mentioned the other day.  I still have to make time to sit and figure out what all it does but so far I love it!  I especially love how it captures the exact moment I'm phototgraphing, without having that delay I was getting with my point and shoot.  I will have to spend some time reading the manual so that I can learn more about the camera.  In the meantime, I've been pretty much just sticking to taking pictures in the "portrait mode."

On Friday afternoon I got a whim to go and get my hair cut.  I've been needing a new haircut for a while now and hadn't gotten one since the day before our baby shower for Alivia.  My sister Yvonne was nice enough to offer to watch the big girls for me while I went to the salon.  I took Alivia with me since I'm nursing and don't really like to be away from her for too long.

It was my first time ever taking a baby with me to a hair salon and let me just tell you, it was an experience I'll never forget.  Let's just say it involved me breast feeding in the salon while my male hairstylist was cutting my hair!  It was probably the strangest place I've EVER nursed a baby!  I was completely out of my comfort zone but I guess that's what I get for taking my baby with me!

Since Livvie fussed for a good part of the haircut, I paid no attention to what my hairdresser was doing when he cut off a TON of my hair!  My original request was for something fun and shorter but not so short I couldn't put it back in a ponytail.  What I ended up getting wasn't exactly that, but it still turned out okay, I guess.  I think something got lost in translation between fussy baby and "let's cut off some of the length so I don't feel like an old lady anymore," but whatever.  I'm thinking it'll work out okay for summetime...

Well, I've got lots going on this week since Alyssa's birthday party is this weekend already!  I'm going to try to work on separate posts this week for my sister's birthday party and Alivia's turning two months.  I have a ton to get done this week so hopefully I'll have time to blog as much as I want!  I also have a giveaway for some sweet hair clippies from Trinity's Treasures this week that will be fun too!

 Hope everyone's having a great start to their week!

P.S.  Just wanted to mention that I am so happy to share that I've been doing really good on my new "lifestyle change" of eating better.  Would you believe that when I weighed myself yesterday I found that I'd lost SIX pounds since last week already?!?!  I cheated a little bit over the weekend, but today I'm back on track and I'm already feeling SO much better.  Even the baby is not as cranky!  I'm fitting into some jeans I hadn't been able to wear in a REALLY long time and I am soooooo excited!!!

The dreaded "D" word, a special gift, a winner

I've been meaning to post these last few days but it's been super busy around here!  I know I was supposed to announce the winner of my giveaway from last week yesterday too but between all of life's happenings, I just hadn't been able to sit down and write.

The biggest happening of the week is the fact that I finally decided to buckle down and go on a DIET.  I have a horrible track record for starting diets that I never finish, but this week I've been determined to make some MAJOR changes.  I did lose all of my pregnancy weight so now the goal is to go back to what I was when I first got married.  I've never been skinny, so that's not even what I'm looking to achieve.  I just want to be healthy and be able to look in the mirror and like what I see.

What got me started on this whole thing was last week when Kristin and I were talking on the phone about how she was working with Kari to get a health plan that would work to help her feel better.  She shared with me what the plan was and I about died when I read the list of all the CAN'T eat foods.  Seriously, everything on that list was things I eat on a regular basis!  Anyhow...this week I decided to start fresh and eliminate all the bad stuff.  My first goal was to stop drinking sodas, which is a HUGE thing for me to do.  I LOVE, LOVE my soda but know that I would love to feel better about myself more.

The plan this week is to elimate all of the stuff I usually love to eat like bread, chips, crackers, etc,

and eat lots of fruits, veggies and things with protein.  Today is Day three and I already feel like it's making a difference!  I'm looking forward to looking and feeling better.  The first two days were CRAZY tough considering what a carb addict I am, but I have to keep reminding myself to take each day one at a time and do the best I can do to make good choices about what goes in my mouth.  I know I can do this! :)

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In other news, I also wanted to share the sweetest gift I received in the mail this week.  It's a handmade blanket that Sarah made for Alivia.  I love it!

If you are anyone who either crochets or knits, you know that blankets are truly a labor of love.  They take lots of time to make and it was just so special that Sarah took the time to make this for our girl. 

I think it's safe to say she loves it too!

Thank you so much Sarah!!! :)

Well, I guess I'd better get going for now.  I've got a baby girl crying for Mama.  She had a fussy night last night and she's been having a hard time napping today too.  I'm thinking it's just one of those days, because over the last week, things have gotten SO much better!  She's been going to bed somewhere between 8 and 9 p.m. with little or no fussing and sleeps for a good six hour stretch!  Hallelujah!!!

P.S.  The winner of the snacks and Costco gift card goes to...Sarah from Gives and Takes!  When you get the chance Sarah, please email me with your address so I can forward that to MyBlogSpark!  Thanks! :)

Amy's Blog Party. Come join the fun!

Today I'm joining in on the fun over at Amy's blog, Filled with Praise to celebrate her 1st Blogiversary!  It's been a blessing to get to know Amy on her blog and be a part of her adoption journey as she and her family get ready to bring their baby boy Elijah home from Ethiopia.  It won't be long now! 

To be a party of the party, all you have to do is answer five questions that Amy posed and then link up on her blog.  If you'd like to join in too, feel free to click on the button below for more details!

Happy Blogiversary Amy!





1.  If you could have dinner with any person (past or present) who would it be?

I would definitely love to have dinner with Jesus.  I'd probably be pretty nervous and I don't even know what I'd say, actually.  If you ever met me in real life, you'd know that I talk a lot, and I talk fast.  I'm pretty sure if I had dinner with Jesus, I would do neither of these.

2.  What is your most embarrassing moment that you are willing to share with the blogging world?

I was actually asking my Hubby for help on this one the other day because even though I've had a TON of embarassing moments, I couldn't think of any specific stories that came to mind.  I think I'm just gonna have to fudge on this one and say that the most embarassing thing about myself is the fact that I snore.  I've been told that not only do I snore, but I snore loud.  That's definitely something to be embarassed about.  Because of the fact that I snore, I am fearful of situations where I'd have to room in or stay with someone I don't know well.  Oh and I've also been told I talk in my sleep too.  My poor Hubby!

3.  If you could only use one word to describe yourself, what would it be?

It would have to be the word perfectionist.  It's my best and worst quality all at the same time.  I'm one of those people who has to have things just right and if something didn't turn out the way I'd like it to, you can probably bet that I'm going to do it over again until I'm happy with the outcome.  I've learned to give a little in this area in recent years since becoming a mom, especially when it comes to having a perfectly clean house or car, etc.  There's just no way for everything to be perfectly clean and organized when you have small kids!

4.  You found a machine that allows you to fast forward your life to a moment or to rewind your life to a certain moment, but it can only be used for one moment. Would you fast forward or rewind and to which moment would you choose?

I would for sure go back to the week of my Honeymoon back in May 2002.  I was only 22 and we had gone on a seven day cruise to Mexico.  At that point in my life, I hadn't done a ton of traveling.  This trip didn't even require any flying since we live here in CA and we just had to drive south to San Pedro to take off on the ship, but I was so nervous that whole trip.  If I could go back, I would have enjoyed myself so much more and just soak in the scenery and that special time with my new husband!

 (Sorry this picture is such yucky quality.  No time to find a better one today).

5.  What is your favorite simple blessing in life?

Right now I would have to say it would be the moments where I'm nursing my Alivia.  Seems like I blinked and she's about to turn two months old soon.  Time goes so fast and I just love how nursing gives me that chance to just sit and take a break from the busyness of the day and just relax.
 

Well, there you have it!  Hope you all have a great weekend!  I'd been meaning all week to post a new giveaway I have and I finally had a chance to post about it today.  It involves snacks and a gift card.  You can go HERE to check it out!

Eight Years!

Today's the day!  We made it to our 8th wedding anniversary and in just a week or so, my Hubby and I will have been together for thirteen years!

Thirteen years!

It's amazing to me to look back at our life together over the last thirteen years and see where the Lord's brought us.  I know I posted about our anniversary dinner yesterday, but I wanted to do a little something here being that it's our actual anniversary.

This morning I was thinking about a ton of different things I could write about to share what our anniversary means to me.  I have so many things I could share but decided just to write a little something for my Hubby.  He's been known to read my blog a time or two, so here goes...

Dear Hubby (wish I didn't have to keep calling you that here on the blog...it feels so cheesy but anyways),

I can't believe that today we're celebrating eight years of marriage!  It seems like it was just yesterday that I was walking down that aisle to meet you and say "I do."  I remember how nervous I was and how out of vanity, and at the last minute before Dad walked me down the aisle, I handed him my glasses and told him to hold them for me.  Even though I couldn't see very well without them, I still wanted to feel pretty meeting you down there at the end of the aisle without the glasses getting in the way!  It's a good thing I made it without falling considering how blind I am, huh? :)  I just remember being so happy that the day finally came that I got to be your wife! 

I also remember how at our reception your family reminded me that I was not only marrying you, but the whole family too!  Too funny and so true!

The past few years have been amazing seeing how we went from just two people called husband and wife, to two different people called mommy and daddy. 

We've been through a lot and I think that we've grown so much together, especially since we've become parents.  I am so thankful for you and feel so blessed to have someone who loves me so much and who cares about all the little things, like foot rubs, helping me with the dishes, and making sure I don't have food stuck in my teeth after we've eaten out at a restaurant.  (I'll forgive you that you call my front teeth chicklets...I know they're big)! :)

You are the most unselfish person I know and I want you to know how proud I am of all your accomplishments.  I love you so much!

With love,
Your Ver

P.S.  One more thing...we both used to love Brian McKnight, so we played this song at our wedding.  I thought it would be fun to share it.


I also thought it would be fun to mention how not that long ago on FB, a few of my bloggy friends mentioned that they thought my Hubby had a Mexican accent from seeing pics of him on the blog.  They were surprised to hear he talked "normal" when they played the video of us bringing Alivia home from the hospital.  It cracked me up thinking that lots of other people might also think that he goes around talking with an Antonio Banderas accent or something!.)  The truth is, we're both Hispanic and we both have Hispanic names but my Hubby totally does not have an accent!  In fact, I'm less Mexican than he is and I speak more Spanish than he does.  The extent of his Spanish is pretty much taco and enchilada, LOL!!!! 

Just out of curiosity...are you one of those people who thought he talked with an accent too?  I'm curious to know!

Happy early Anniversary

Last night my Hubby and I celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary a little bit early by going out to dinner at one of our favorite restaurants.  It's called Palazzio and it's in Santa Barbara, which is about an hour south of here.  We actually went there last year too!

It was sort of a spur of the moment type thing, since we ended up sending both of the big girls with my mom to her church and hadn't originally planned to go anywhere to celebrate until Tuesday, which is our real anniversary.  My mom has been taking Alyssa to her church (which has afternoon service) for the last couple of months and we just decided to give it a shot yesterday and let Audrey go with Grandma too, even though church was during her usual nap time.

The girls ended up doing well and we enjoyed a casual early dinner with Miss Livvie...

She did so well during our meal, and woke up once, only to go back to sleep in my arms.  She was such a good baby!

At the end of our meal, I made sure to ask our waitress if she'd take our picture.  This was the one and only that we had her take, since I didn't want to be a pest and have her take too many!  I was pleasantly suprised at how the picture turned out (even though my hair was all messy and I looked totally mommy'd out---wish I would have had time to do my hair--oh well)! 

It will be fun to look back on this particular year and remember it was the year we spent our anniversary dinner with our new baby!

While we were there, we also met a special couple who was there celebrating their 35 wedding anniversary!  It was so neat getting to meet them and as we left the restaurant we talked about how amazing 35 years of marriage really is!

Well, this is gonna have to be a super quickie post since I'm kinda behind with my Monday have-to's.  I'm hoping to do a "real" anniversary post tomorrow!  I love you honey, and I'm so glad to be on this journey with you!

Super quick hi, thanks and a winner

Just wanted to say a super quick hi and thanks to you guys for being there after my post from yesterday.  Today has been a much better day, even after things got a little worse last night with Livvie and her late night crying spell.   Let me just say that it involved me getting in my car with baby in tow at close to 11:00 p.m, driving until the crying stopped and maybe, just maybe, a stop by here...

                                                      to get me one of these...

                                Did I ever mention how much I love smoothies?  So good. :) 

Anyways...it's almost the end of the day and I wanted to finally get to announcing the winner of my giveaway from this week.  You can go HERE to check it out!

Thanks so much and oh...I also wanted to wish my next door neighbor (and one of only three people who blogs that I know in real life) Rachel, a Happy Birthday today!

Lost in thought

I've been sitting here going back and forth about even posting this today.  I love having the blog for theraputic reasons, so I guess I should just let out my feelings and maybe I'll get to feeling better.  Please forgive me if I sound ridiculous or selfish...

The last couple of days, I've been lost in my thoughts.  I feel like I'm slipping into a funk and I'm not sure why.  Maybe it's the fact that the girls (now including my Livvie girl) haven't been feeling too good and I haven't been able to get out much...I'm not really sure.

One of the things that's been on my mind is that I wish I had more in real life friends.  I am so thankful for my blog friends but the sad fact is that I'll probably never get to meet most of you in real life.  I love being a SAHM and I am very grateful for the opportunity but it just gets lonely at times.  My closest friends before I had my girls were my work friends but it's been five years since I stopped working, and I don't really talk to any of the people I considered friends anymore.

Last night I had a dream that I saw an old co-worker friend of mine.  She was someone I was fairly close with before I lost touch with her after quitting my job after having Alyssa.  Looking back at how we lost contact, I realize it was totally me.  This friend wanted to have a baby so bad but could not conceive due to an issue unrelated to her.  I felt so bad that she couldn't get pregnant and I remember clearly the day I told her I was pregnant with Alyssa.  I'm not sure why I dreamt of this friend after not seeing her in forever but the thoughts of feeling bad for just kinda not talking to her anymore still stay with me.  I was such a different person then and I totally see now how running away from the friendship was such a horrible thing to do.  It's been years now and I feel so bad just realizing what a lousy friend I was.  I would love to fix how I feel I left things hanging, but the thought of doing that is so akward to me.

Another thing I've been thinking about a ton is my hat business.  I have been laboring over it for weeks now and thought I'd come to a decision about what I'd be doing with it all after I had Alivia.  See, the thing of it is, I love having the business and doing something for me, but after seeing what life is going to be like with three small kids, I am realizing I just won't have time for it anymore.  And you know what...part of me is sad and just can't let go.  What is wrong with me?  I know the easy and unselfish thing to do is just to call it all done.  As a matter of fact, I've gone around in circles over this with my Hubby and I totally thought I was done and had a decision I was at peace with.

Well, as of right now, I know what I need to do.  My girls are my priority and I will never have this time with them again.  I love them so much and I want to look back on these years with no regrets.  I know that I'm blessed and even through what seems like endless days of wiping  runny noses, sweeping dirty floors and sleepless nights, I love my life and don't ever want to take one single day for granted.

Memories

Tonight my Hubby and I walked down memory lane a little bit.  This May, we'll have been married for eight years and together for 13.  That's a long time considering that we're only 29 and 30 (and yes, he's the one who's younger than me)! :)  Between the two of us, I'm more of the talker, but for some reason tonight, he was the one who started the "Hey, do you remember the time when" conversation and it took me back down memory lane.

For some reason, I tend to remember many more of the difficult times we've had over these last 13 years.  A lot happened from the time I was 17 to 30, and it's easy to dwell on all the hard stuff we had to go through to get to the place where we are today.  Looking back, nothing has ever really come easy to us.  Just about everything we own is used but I guess there is something to be said about having to work hard to get the things you want in life.  Sure, on most days, I wish things would come just a little easier for us, but I am thankful that the Lord has always been there with us.  He has never left us, even when we've made bad choices or done things "our way." 

Tonight we got to talking about some things from the past that I'd totally forgotten about.  We also talked about our time before kids and what it was like waiting for the arrvial of our first little girl.  It's funny how time has a way of making certain memories fade and I guess that's one of the reasons I'm glad I ended up blogging.  It's been a great way to document our life and be able to go back and remember things later.  My Hubby was even suggesting that I start a journal for our family and I had to remind him that that is what the blog is for!

It seems like just yesterday, I started this blog and I was posting pictures like this one of the girls.

Now they're getting so big and we are only weeks away from welcoming our newest little girl.  My heart is full with anticipation.  I'm trying my best not to be anxious but on the last few days where I've been experiencing more Braxton Hicks contractions, I just get to wondering when the actual day will be when I have to leave home a mom of two and come back as mom of three!  It's a bittersweet time but one I don't want to forget either. 

So many thoughts are running through my head tonight but I am confident that the Lord will get me through!  I am so thankful for everything HE has given us, and so grateful that I get to go through this next big adventure with my best friend!

Showered!

It was a busy and fun weekend and I am so behind on blogging!  Instead of being my usual talk-too-much self today, I just thought I'd quickly share some pictures from our weekend! 

Our baby shower for Alivia turned out awesome!  We were so blessed by our family and we had a really great time just hanging out and doing one of the things we do best...eat!  My Hubby's brother David and his wife Yndira blessed us by opening up their home and hosting the shower!

The shower had a really sweet butterfly theme with pink and brown decorations!

My sister helped out by making more yummy cupcakes like usual!  My niece Hannah also worked hard at helping her mom make some yummy and cute pretzal rods.  My sister Yvonne made sure to help me get plenty of great pics from our day, and one of them was this picture with Hannah...

As you can tell, we had a ton of yummy treats to eat!  I was shocked when I went to my last every-two-week doctor's visit today and found that I had lost a pound and a half over the last two weeks!  Seriously, I have no clue how this is happening, considering that this month has been all about this kinda stuff...

I felt really good the day day of the shower, especially since I ended up being able to go out and get a haircut on Friday afterall! (Thanks, Mom for letting me borrow your car and watching the girls)!  I even had time to color my hair on Saturday morning too!  Nobody was able to tell but me, but I was sooo glad that I was able to get rid of those grays, even if it only lasts for a few weeks! :)  Here was me and my Mama...

And here's more yummy goodies...

and pretty decorations!

We also got to play a few games and then it was time to open presents, which I made my Hubby help me do!  It was kinda weird for him to open gifts considering we'd never had a co-ed shower before, but he managed to make it through alive!

The next day I got to play with all of our new stuff!  We were so, so blessed!

Miss Alivia will definitely not have a shortage of clothes!

It was an awesome shower and a great day to celebrate turning 36 weeks!  The countdown is officially on!!!

Some Time to Think

I've been doing a lot of crocheting this week which gives me a ton of time to sit and get lost in my thoughts.  It's been so busy around here (I know I keep saying that, but it's the truth) and just yesterday I got to looking at the calender and realized it was a special day.  In exactly one month from yesterday, my baby will be two years old!  My next thought after that was that once we reach Audrey's birthday, I'll only have a month until Alivia arrives!  Can you believe it?

Life seems to be flying by me and I feel like I'm just sitting here in the dust.

I've been thinking about making some changes to a few things in my life that I can't share just yet.  If you wouldn't mind saying a prayer for me that the Lord would make things clear to me that would be great.  In all my juggling, I'm starting to sense that I need to just stop and take things easier.  I've been struggling with my own selfishness and wanting to cling on to things that are just for me.  I'm realizing that it's okay to let go of things but that letting go is not easy sometimes. 

Tomorrow I'll be 30 weeks pregnant already and I am in awe that I'm this far along.  The Lord has been so good and I've been reminded this week that I need to enjoy all the little moments in these last few weeks of my last pregnancy.  I know I'll be relieved yet sad when it's over.

Just the other night after putting the girls down for bed, my Hubby and I sat there talking about our day.  It just happened to be one of the times where Alivia was super active and for the first time this entire pregnancy, my Hubby got to feel this little girl's karate chops!  I grabbed his hands and put them on my belly and Alivia was moving around so much that it kinda freaked my Hubby out.  You could literally see and feel body parts rolling from one side of my belly to another...something we never really experienced with either Alyssa or Audrey.

It was an awesome feeling and all I could do was sit there and cry.  I talked to my little girl and told her I loved her.  It was at that moment I realized that this all so real...Sometime in the not too distant future, I will be a Mommy of three.  It's exciting, and overwhelming all at the same time.

Well, I hope everyone out there reading this had a great week.  I'm so sorry if you haven't heard much from me this week.  I promise I'll get back to being my usual self once I can get a handle on things over here!
In the meantime, I'll leave you with my favorite passage from the Bible and one I keep going over this week.  I have it on my hat care tags and it takes on such a different meaning to me with this little person growing in my belly!

Psalm 139:13-14

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful I know that full well.

P.S.  You can go HERE to see who won the $50 Safeway gift card!