Lately I've been feeling a little distant from the Lord. For some reason I've been having a hard time just going to Him. I guess lately, it just feels like I'm constantly going to Him to ask for one thing or another. I've also been feeling frustrated with my church situation. Like I've talked about here before, we've been attending the same church for the past almost six months and still haven't felt a connection there. We've continued to go all this time in the hopes that things will improve. Well, we recently started skipping out on church and yesterday we were going on three Sundays of no church.
Let me first say here too that I realize that church does not make you a good Christian. I totally realize that. I just feel like we need church to help us stay in fellowship with other people who believe in the same things that we do and I don't know...there's just something special about being in the house of the Lord.
Well, yesterday, I woke up dreading the idea of going to church. I know that sounds awful, but it's the truth. My Hubby and I have been talking a lot lately about why we haven't made that connection and what exactly we're looking for in a church. I guess at the heart of it, we were so used to our old church and nothing seems to compare. I've talked in the past about how the distance was one of the main reasons why we stopped attending our old church. As much as I am just so tempted to go back, I just know I don't want to keep traveling that far for church, especially with my issues with tardiness! One of the things I loved so much about our old church was the music. They had a choir and they sang songs you could actually follow along to, and not have to feel like you're at a rock concert. It was also a church that was established and was really organized, and you all know how I feel about order and structure!
At any rate, yesterday I woke up feeling like I needed to get to church, but I just didn't want to go back to the church we've been going to. I decided to get the girls ready and then I got myself ready. I let my Hubby sleep in until it was almost time to go, and then finally woke him up. I was mad that he slept so long knowing full well that we had intentions of making it to church. I guess the crazy thing in all of it was that I was getting all ready to go to church even though I knew I didn't want to go back to the usual church. I seriously wasn't sure what I was doing. When my Hubby did make it out of bed, he was already too late to make it to the 9:00 service and I told him I wasn't even sure what I was doing.
I mentioned to him about how Kristin and I had talked about the possibility of me visiting other churches and just leaving Audrey at home with my Hubby. In the search for a good church, I guess I just get really concerned about how Audrey might have a hard time if we're going here and then the next week, going there. At first, my Hubby was like, Well, where are you gonna go? And I was like, I really don't know. We talked about it really quick and decided I would just take just Alyssa with me and we would figure something out.
To those of you who know me well, you will know that I'm a planner, and the thought of doing something spontaneous isn't really me. I also get uneasy at the thought of doing things that are out of my comfort zone. Well, Alyssa and I got in the car and I decided I would just drive down to the church we've been going to all this time. When I got near the church, I decided to keep driving. I had remembered that there was another newish church that was also non-denominational that I thought I'd try. I told myself that we were already late, but if their service just happened to start at 9:30 then we'd get down and check it out. Well, we drove up to the church and on the window in big print it stated that their first service started at 9:30! With my heart beating really fast, I pretended it was no big deal and told Alyssa we were getting down at this new church to check it out.
When we got to the door, a really sweet lady greeted us. I mentioned that it was our first time there, so she was nice enough to show me where I needed to take Alyssa. I took Alyssa to her class, and as it turned out, she did great!
Well, I know this is a long post already, so I'll try to make it short. My overall feeling for the church was that it was nice, but just not what I have in mind. The music portion of the service was super rockish. The also didn't really have a worship part of the service. Is it just me that's being picky, but aren't there any churches around that have a service where they actually try to press in and let the spirit move? Or is everyone just so concerned about rushing to get to the next part of the service? When we got to the sermon, the pastor seemed really nice but he was going so fast it was hard to keep up. He crammed a ton of scriptures into a small sermon and at the end I felt like I wasn't even sure I could give someone a recap if they asked me what I had learned.
Well, I know today I am sounding super down and really picky. Do not worry. I am not feeling hopeless, I just want to find a place where we belong. Why does it feel like it is so hard to find a place we can call home? I think it's just a matter of just continuing to pray about it and asking the Lord to show us where He wants us to be. I know he has a place for us, it's just a matter of finding out where that is.
Well, I know I wrote a book today, but this is just one of the things that's been heavy on my heart lately. I hope everyone is having a good start to their week and I will be back later today to see how everyone else's weekends went!
P.S. Thanks for listening to me vent today! :)
16 comments:
I totally understand what you're talking about, Veronica! We feel the same way when we go to church's. We are looking for one too, since my dad has stopped preaching. It feels so ackward going somwhere you're not used too...I think when we visited a church yesterday....it was permitted for ages 65 years and older.
If you want a church that really feels like home...you might think I am insane...BUT, there is always the idea of planting a church with folks you know who are wanting to start one...or who are looking for a church.
Hey! I'm headed out the door to register the girls for school, but I just wanted to say how proud I am of you!
It's so much easier to visit churches when you don't have the stress of taking the little ones, and then once you find one, you can all relax and go as a family. That's what worked for me and made it so much easier to visit a new church every week until I found the one I liked. Don't give up! There's one out there for you!
Alyssa will probably love the adventure each week of a new place and you don't have to stress about it traumatizing Audrey. That way, you can also really listen to the service and not have to worry about having to go get her and not being able to tell if you like it or not. My other advice would be to stay near where she'll be going to school, if possible, because then she'll hopefully make friends with other kids who she'll go to school with too.
Of course, every family is different, but that's what really worked for me and by the 3rd church, I found one that I love!
Love ya....I'll talk to ya later :)
I completely agree with what you are feeling. You need to find a church that meets your spiritual needs. Your primary relationship is with God but the church represents the body of christ. It is important too.
We actually planted our church 15 years ago and have been very involved serving in ministries. After Nate died, we were so disapointed with the way that people from our church acted. So many dropped off a meal but that seemed to be it. We thought that since we were so involved they would really "be" there for us. It took us a long time (a year) to realize that just because they are Christians and just because they go to church doesn't mean that they always do what it Godly. I know that I expected more from them because they are Christians. But, I've learned that we all fail. And I forgave them.
Now I know what it's like to be on the "outside". It has opened my eyes and now I search out people that also look like they are on the outside. I don't want anyone to feel like I did.
I've learned that there is a lesson in it all. We just have to take the situations and circumstances that we're given in this fallen world and try to do something better.
So, keep searching. I know you'll find the right place.
Trisha
Finding a church that you are happy with can make all the difference! We have been so blessed to find a place about welcomed us and everyone on our first visit. I have volunteered at the KidsZone daycare, and met some more people there. Is there anything you can get involved in to actively meet others at your church?
I am sorry that you haven't felt connected in 6 months, maybe it is time to cut it there and look elsewhere for something more fitting for your family. I hope you find somewhere you are comfortable and welcome.
A church is a place to belong, so keep searching. The Holy Spirit will lead you in the right direction. Maybe try something completely different to remind you of what you are looking for. Who knows what you'll find next time...
Veronica sweetie,..I will be praying about it for you.
Don't give up,..God will direct.
I do have a question. Does your current church have any functions for couples or families that are in your age group? Or even a seperate Sunday School for young adults? At our church we have a young marrieds Sunday School class and they do fun things together at each other's houses and they have get togethers at the church too, that also involve their kids sometimes. These more intimate gatherings help people to get to know each other better.
If your church doesn't have those, then you might want to search for one that does. Cuz in a big group it is just hard to get to know people.
Ok, well, as I said, I will pray about it for you.
Love you,
Linda
I can relate V. My childhood church split some years ago, I had the best Church growing up, a new preacher came in and split it.....one group went one way and us "oldies" who was raised in the Church stayed in the old Church. Anyway, I moved to another Church, BELIEVE IT, this Church ran the preacher off! 3 Families caused this problem....I left to the Church I am at now! Small, but effective.
I guess what I am saying it, no matter what Church you try and attend, the 'DEVIL' is going to put a lot of strain on you. He will hit your weakest points and drive it in your brain that this Church is not for you, he can make you jump from one to another. When I get this way I find Charles Stanley DVD's that I have in my stock, I go to watching, in my home, where I can focus on what he is saying. I watch Christian movies, read books, anything to refocus me!
I feel the same way, I feel distant from my Lord and I realize I have to get that relationship, "I" have realized I am the one who had broke the relationship.
Always remember, He loves you and He only wants what is best for you and wants to Bless you! Just don't forget to pray daily! Talk to Him everyday!
If you pray and He leads you to other Churches, by all means, go! He may need you in another place for other duties! :)
You will feel at peace when you find the right church. It will meet the needs of your whole family. WE are struggling with that right now. WE are hoping to move closer to hubs work so then we will really be forced to find a new church. You have to go too where you are being fed & growing. That is the most important thing.
It'll come hon in time!!!! Stay patient and everything will work out.
Oh girl, I am so sorry! I hope you find what you are looking for!
I hope that you can find the church that fits your family best. I pray the Lord will lead you to the right one.
Hang in there sister! God will lead you to the right church home. Stay faithful in your search. I gave you a blogger award. Check out my blog for more information.
Blessings,
Christy
It is awful that you are struggling to find a church home. Just imagine after all the hard work of finding a church is done you will have your church home and you can get plugged into it. God does have wonderful plans for you. Don't feel defeated -- things will work out.
Ohhhh I have such a long response for this so bear with me.
First of all, though we're supposed to be children of God, brothers and sisters of Christ, the Church of extravagent welcome, very rarely do we extend that same welcome to visitors. I think we all WANT to. But for some reasons that is the ONE THING that churches really struggle with. I have had endless conversations with pastors and professors about this. There is something so beautiful about the community that is fostered at churches - but sometimes it's so close that it's hard for anyone else to get in. People are so excited to see their church "family" on Sunday morning that they don't get a chance to welcome anybody new (it's like marrying into a new family!!). Sometimes Jesus' most simple messages (like hospitality!!) are the hardest for us to implement in our lives.
That being said - don't fret!! When Bruce and I were looking for a church, we were looking for a church within the denomination that I am seeking ordination in. We tried one close to where we lived and it just didn't FEEL right. So we stopped going for a couple weeks, decided to try another church and luckily loved the second church we tried. It may take a couple of tries for you, but don't ignore the feeling. If it doesn't seem right, then it may just not be right.
I think it was awesome that you and Alyssa tried out a new church together - I understand that it would be hard for Audrey since she's at an age where you can't just pass her around. Maybe for a couple weeks you could try different churches, just you and Alyssa. What a cool bonding time that would give you two.
It's going to be sooooooo worth it when you find the church that FEELS right.
Hang in there!!
Sarah
p.s. did you see Cake Boss last night? Incredible!!!!!
Veronica,
Hey remember me from story time. I am sorry I am not very good at this blog thing and keeping up with it. I just read your blog and I would love it if you came to church with me on Sunday. Just to check it out. We use music, not the rock band kind, to worship and we hear talks about gospel topics like repentance and faith in Christ. I know that I am able to feel the Spirit of Chirst when I go and I would love for you to join me. We meet at 9 am. Call me and tell me what you think. Shannon. I will e-mail you my number in case you lost it. I got a new phone and unfortunately lost your.
It's times like these...when we are distant from the Lord that he strengthens us! Hang in there and keep your head up!
I love your blog, by the way!!! :)
Post a Comment