Changes of the heart

I was sharing yesterday that I've been listening to nothing but Christian music lately.  The funny thing about it is that just a few years back I really thought that there was no way I'd ever like Christian music.  I'd tried to listen to it when I was younger but I always felt like it was so dorky.  "Dorky" sounds like a horrible way to even describe it, but that's the closest I can come to it. It wasn't until about 3 years ago, that I decided to give Christian music another try and I found that it had changed so much over the years, and in a good way. The music was more modern and I found myself actually enjoying it.

After finding Christian music again, I pretty much continued listening to the secular music I always loved but just added in Christian music to that every now and then. Christian music was something I could almost take or leave though and although it really blessed me, I never thought it was something I'd ever listen to exclusively.

And then my world got rocked with all the yucky things that came our way and I started feeling so down about everything.  I would get lost in my thoughts and before long, I found myself very depressed. I was distancing myself from friends who couldn't see me in person and doing a good job or pretending I was happy with the ones I could see.  It was such a lonely place and I really felt so desperate.  How were things in my life going to change?  Where was God?

I found myself begging the Lord to help me to get out of that desperate place.  I needed to know he heard me.  I started listening to K-LOVE on the way to school in the mornings and before I knew it, I found myself putting it on every time I got in the car.  I didn't realize just how much it was feeding my soul until Alyssa was on her four week long Christmas break from school and we didn't have to go anywhere in the car every morning.  It was then that I realized just how much I needed the music to keep me sane.  I could feel peace instead of confusion while the music played and it was amazing to me at the timing of certain songs. So many of them were songs that talked about hope and having faith right when I needed to hear those words.  I needed to be reminded of those truths and it was through the music that I have felt my faith grow so much.

Looking back on the last few months, I can see how the Lord is growing me in my walk with Him. With the combination of Christian music, bible study and faithfully attending church again, I'm feeling like things are on the right track. I'm so thankful that the Lord has blessed me with some really amazing friends who've continued to love me when I haven't been in a place to reciprocate that love.

If you don't already listen to Christian radio, I encourage you to check out K-LOVE. If you're not in the car to listen, you can also listen online or even from your phone with their app, which I love too!

I know this isn't a post that everyone would probably be nuts over, but in the process of finding myself again on this blog, I feel the need to share the things that matter most to me without fear. I've come to realize that blogging can get so silly with the competition over who has the cooler blog or how many hits you're getting.  I'm me and that's the only person I can be.  Just a girl who's very imperfect, wanting to share my heart in the hopes that someone else will know how much Jesus loves them too. :)

Here's a song I heard on K-LOVE this morning that says everything about the journey I've been on...