Changed

Grief has a way of sneaking up from behind you when you least expect it.  The days after a loss can pass but there are moments that come back to you fresh just like it was the first moment you found out the devastating news.  Pictures flash through your mind of events that happened in the past, words that were spoken, messages that were sent or unsent.  Every day brings a fresh realization to the present reality.

"She's gone."

Those were the only words that could come out of my mouth, when Fernando happened to find me in tears, dressing Liv after her bath one Sunday morning a little over a week ago.  After a year long battle with cancer, my sweet friend Wren went to be with Jesus.

I had found out the news by my mom just a little earlier. She'd come in the bathroom during the girls' bath to tell me she'd read it on FB from a friend we both share.  Although we all knew Wren's time here on Earth was closing, the reality of that seemed almost too much.  The tears came soon after, as I processed what this meant.  She couldn't possibly be gone? Pictures flooded my mind of the healthy, vibrant Wren I knew and my thoughts were overtaken by her family...the ones she loved and had to leave behind.

When you have friend who's sick, as in the case with Wren, it becomes a part of your being.  I almost can't describe it.  There hasn't been a day that's gone by in the past year that I haven't thought about her.  I used to sometimes wake up thinking about her or would have a  moment just pass at random when she'd enter my mind. Those same things happen now, only the thought is followed by moments of sadness and a prayer for her family for comfort and strength.

There's been a lot I've learned over the past year through Wren. I've been forever changed and I don't think I'll ever see life the same way.  Her faith through her sickness taught me how to persevere through difficult circumstances...whether they be struggles within my own family with big challenges we've faced or even with less important things, like my journey to better health. I can remember a time last year I was whining on Facebook about how I was going to be starting all over with my weight loss journey, and I had really hoped I could just finally stick with it and not fail, again. I remember Wren leaving a comment saying something like...."You can do it.  You have your health and that's so great."  I will never forget her words and in the moments where I want to lose myself and forget all the progress I've made, I remember her saying how I could do it because I had my health.  She was so right.

My thoughts have been in lots of places the past few weeks and with Wren's passing, I've struggled to put those thoughts in to words.  I have no real conclusion to this post, only thank you's for praying with me and being a part of my friend's journey.  When I shared Wren with you, many of you friends came through and sent cards and gifts and I just want to tell you thank you again for doing that.  I know you blessed her and I hope she blessed you too.  Last week I was going back over a message she'd sent me telling me how she'd received several cards and special gifts from my friends.  I cried reading her words over again and felt blessed that we got to be a special part of her life.

I also wanted to share this video that was played at Wren's memorial on Saturday. Even in the face of the most difficult experience a person could face, Wren was still sharing Jesus and wanted all of us to come to know him too. What a beautiful testimony of faith.